In last month’s newsletter, I wrote to our readers about forgiveness, particularly forgiveness of self.
In today’s blog I want to share some thoughts on the forgiveness of others, because this of course is important too.
I’ve experienced pain…betrayal, bullying, bitchiness, various “-isms” and just plain rude uncalled for behaviour. As I experienced the pain I would wonder why? I definitely used to wonder why me, what did I do to deserve this…
…show up every day as my best self that I could be,
…do my work at a standard that was higher than many others (often leaving clients overwhelmed with awe of my service)
…by embracing my appearance
…by wearing a smile on my face almost every single day, and being kind to everyone
…speaking only truths, not faltered by politics or agendas, always the highest and best good for all involved not simply looking out for myself
…not participating in gossiping and spreading of rumours
Of course, I would never find an answer to this question, because it was and is the wrong question.
The right question is, what is this situation showing me about myself about where I need to grow… or more simply the words I use are “I am the Creator, how am I co-creating this situation?”
What does that mean?
This embraces that your internal state of being (beliefs, culture, likes, dislikes, education etc. everything that makes up your personality) creates your external life experience. The challenge most people have with this is “are you telling me that I created getting [bullied/shouted at/hated on]? That’s ridiculous, I don’t want this!”
And they are correct, they don’t want to be on the receiving end of any of that behaviour…consciously.
But if we can agree that your conscious mind is only 5-7% of your mind, the rest is made up of your subconscious mind. Then 93%-95% of what you do is subconscious, automatic, habitual or out of your conscious awareness. It still doesn’t mean you WANT to experience that, it means that at the subconscious level you believe that’s what’s supposed to happen, meant to happen…and we are such powerful CREATORS that we find ourselves in situations (that we have co-created) that , validate our internal belief systems.
We seek out what we know and feel to be our inner truth to make it more true and valid.
Okay, so what does this have to do with forgiving others?
I admit, it might seem like it’s gone off on a tangent, but if you believe you always have needy partners, and then that’s what you get, and then this frustrates you…you need to become aware of which belief is driving which outcome.
You partner is being needy because you’ve sought that out, being mad at them further hold you to an inner truth that you likely want to change if needy frustrates you. Reacting with frustration to your partner is also potentially what you’re seeking out…the right to be frustrated at something, or maybe everything…frustration is an inner truth you are seeking external experiences to allow you to validate.
So coming back to forgiveness of others
Forgiving the person causing you to feel your negative emotional response creates a break in the cycle. The more you do this the more you break the cycle and do it often enough and you start to create a new belief and actually, perhaps, just maybe…now with an inner truth of forgiveness you actually stop creating (“attracting”) situations that may have frustrated you in the past.
More importantly, you begin to create more balance within yourself. Creating space to have new/daily experiences without the weight of your past emotional baggage (yes, that’s what it is – emotional baggage!)
How can you start?
Easy! Make a list, write it by hand so you really pay attention and are present with your intention to forgive. Write it like this:
I forgive [insert name], and let them go with peace and love.
Don’t worry if the person is still in your life and you want to continue to have them in your life, you’re not letting them go in that way. You’re letting go of the energetic connection and feelings that creates pain or hurt for you.
This is a wonderful exercise!
Once you’re done you can:
A) Give me a call to create the shift at the subconscious level
B) Do any other ritual that feels good… burn the list over a candle or in a bonfire 😉
Have fun and feel into the bliss in your body when you truly let go and forgive.
Hugs and love