Today, we're going to talk about sex! We’ll explore a little bit of the taboo and shame that has existed around sex. Particularly for me growing up with a lot of Bollywood movies, even kissing on scene was incredibly taboo. We’ll cover what impact this taboo and shame, and the silence around it, has on our relationship with this incredibly natural act.
I’ll also share a great tip to start building or enhancing your relationship with all that is sex.
I grew up with a lot of Bollywood movies. In those movies it was taboo to have any of the characters actually kiss on screen. They would sometimes allude to kissing, but it was never actually shown. However, in contrast, during the singing and dancing scenes of the movie where, for example, the male and female leads might be dancing and singing in the rain, the male lead would be touching all parts of the female’s body in a very erotic way. As you can imagine, this made it very confusing for me growing up. Why is kissing not allowed, but he's able to rub his head upon her neck, her chest, her belly? It seemed weird to me, and very contradictory.
I watched a lot of these movies with my parents so you can image my level of discomfort when these scenes came on was way up there!
Sex was something that was never discussed in my family. I’m pretty sure the same applied in my extended family with my relatives as well. We didn't talk about what sex is and why we do it, even how to be safe with sex. The messaging was clear: sex was an act to be performed only after marriage.
It felt like there was a lot of shame and judgement around it.
This isn't just in my culture, but there's a lot of shame associated with sex and women from western and eastern cultures too – especially in certain generations.
This shame is stored in our cellular memory and through our ancestral line.
What do I mean by that? That information, that energy, is passed down the ancestral line. I don’t mean genetically – that's a whole different conversation. I’m saying that if your mother for example, felt shame around sex and had stored that emotional state in her body, she passed that information, that energy, that frequency, down to you in utero. More than likely as you grew up, there would have been conversations or remarks or energetic pulses being received by you from your parents around any kinds of acts that were not seen as okay or right or ‘lady like’.
As we get older, these beliefs and these patterns that are memorised by our cellular body are continually reinforced. We find things in our environment that allow us to prove these things to be true.
We might see things in the news. We might find ourselves talking about other women, and how ‘loose’ they are or using words like ‘slut’ and ‘slag’ and name calling. While we may be using these derogatory terms as we're talking about them, we are really talking about ourselves. Why? Because ultimately all of the words we express and use in judgement of others comes from a place of how we feel about ourselves – whether we are consciously aware of it or not.
So we continue this pattern of reinforcing our internal beliefs and energy frequency through a process of finding and seeking out what we believe to be our reality. As a result, we cause ourselves even more heaviness.
But isn’t what we truly desire balance, lightness, comfort, pleasure and safety around sex and sexuality?
The work that I've done with myself in this space has been transformative. I’ve used stress release processes, meditation, and belief statements, programming these into the subconscious around what sexuality looks like when it's healthy and balanced and how I wish my experience of me to be.
Releasing the stress and releasing fears, shame, judgement out of cellular memory through stress transformation processes and through meditation has been incredibly powerful.
I know that a lot of this shame, judgement, fear and self-talk has been through my upbringing and the environment I’ve grown up in - home and school.
Here’s an experience I had while on a meditation retreat.
I had recalled the energy, a sense, of a traumatic experience that I couldn't quite define or articulate the what and when of, but the energy was very much there. During meditation my body started to shake and flop around quite violently. If you were looking at me as a bystander, it may have looked like I was having an epileptic fit, but there was this really, really dense energy that was moving and trying to get out of my body.
A lot of fear was coming back during that process. That fear was creating a resistance in releasing this energy and I was finding that it was creating more pain in my physical body trying to suppress it. I was so self-conscious and so self-aware of what people might be thinking and seeing as the energy was coming up, as much as my body was shaking.
Through the process, I knew that I had to surrender to the release. I had to let go of the control. I had to stop myself from pushing it down and just allow the energy to come up. I had to let go of the shame and the self-judgement of what other people might say about me witnessing the experience I was having.
And I did. I let go.
I allowed myself and kept on telling myself in my mind ‘I surrender, I surrender, I surrender’, and it was an incredible experience. I felt a huge, huge shift. It left me feeling … empty. But an emptiness that could now be filled with something so much more loving and nurturing and caring.
This is the power that we have within ourselves. To move beyond what limits us.
Shame, judgement, criticism of sex and women on an emotional and mental level, and however these are all manifesting on the physical plain.
Examples of how this might manifest into your physical reality include things like overindulging or addictions to sex in an effort to suppress those emotions and feelings (like shame, guilt, self-judgement around sex and sexuality); not being able to have sex in a pleasurable and connected way. There may be pain involved, or you may experience other types of dis-ease in your sexual organs and around that part of your body. You may experience menstrual problems. So if you're having really heavy periods or clotted periods or painful periods, this can be a sign of stuck energy that is not in balance and in alignment with your highest and greatest good.
We can hone in on the type of emotions we are holding inside by listening to how we talk about others.
Here is where we can start to create some release and bring ourselves back into balance.
Holding this tension, dis-ease, discomfort, this stuck energy in that area of your body, in those lower energy centres, limits the amount of flow that we can experience into our heart centre and further up into our higher centres. This truly limits our ability to experience spiritual growth, because we haven't been able to let go of or heal this trauma that we're holding within our physical and cellular memory.
What can you do and how can you start to have a better relationship with yourself and your own sexuality?
Start by asking some reflective questions. Awareness is key to creating change and growth, and reflective questions allow us to explore more deeply. These questions are not meant to analyse or try to find an answer. Simply ask them and allow information to come up into your awareness.
So grab a pen and paper and write these down. These questions will help you reflect and deepen the healing and the release that you have around your sexuality.
Now, there are many more questions that we can ask to explore around the specific energy that you are holding yourself.
I'm going to share with you an extra little gift which will help you get started on creating balance and more harmony in this particular area and with that energy centre or chakra.
Having a hot, aromatic bath is a really nurturing way to soothe yourself, as is having a therapeutic massage. You can also use essential oils like jasmine, sweet orange, sandalwood or rose. They're all really great for helping to promote self-love, balancing the sacral chakra and creating more harmony within yourself.
Surround yourself with the colour orange. The sacral chakra is orange and having more orange in your environment or wearing orange can help to bring more balance to that energy centre and help to support you in your healing process.
If you want to accelerate your journey, book a free discovery call with me and move any stress, stuck shame, or judgey energy quickly.
Free yourself to enjoy sex in the way that you're supposed to.
Love, hugs and magic!
Bhavna xx
Ready to reclaim your self-confidence and embrace a positive body image? Start your journey to self-love today - schedule a call now.
